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About Varied / Hobbyist circium vulgareFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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I hate you.
Because I love you.
I love you.
I don’t know why.
Why DO I love you?
When I’m with you,
I am ecstatic.
But when I am apart from you,
Everything hurts.
I can think clearly.
My hearts quakes when I’m with you.
My heart breaks when I’m not.
I can’t understand it at all.
I hate you for making me feel this way.
I hate you for making me feel.
I hate that I am so utterly
and disgustingly
in love with you.
Because I know you don’t reciprocate.
I hate you.
Because I love you.

I’m so very tired.
Everything hurts.
Everything is exhausting.
my body is tired
i can’t move my muscles
I’m too tired to get out of bed.
Eating is exhausting.
If I stopped,
How long before my body wasted away,
eating itself,
trying to supply enough energy
so that I may simply
But ‘simply being’ is tiring too.
I’m so tired.
I want to sleep
And never awake.

I can hear it
And I hate it.
Is it because of my supposèd
heightened sensitivity?
Or am I actually that weak,
that I can hear
my own
It’s always there.
I’m always aware of it.
I can feel it,
almost like a headache,
in the back of my head.
And at the tips of my fingers,
like after having caught them
whilst closing a door.
I can hear it
in my eardrums;
always shocking me
with its volume.
I can see it too.
At the edge of my vision,
Everything in the periphery
seems to be pulsating.
It is unnerving.
And if I dare to look
upon my breast,
about the area wherein mine heart should reside,
I can see my skin beating in time.
I hate this weak heart if mine.
I hate feeling it
and hearing it
and seeing it when
I do not actively wish to do so.
It makes me ever so more scared that
it will collapse
and give up on me.

I need help.
I can’t keep doing this
to myself.
I want to be happy.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel.
But I can’t.
I won’t let myself.
Someone help me.
Someone stop me.
I’m begging.
Keep me from self-destructing.
I need help.
Keep me from self-sabotaging.
I know I’m hurting myself;
I can’t stop it.
Help me.

Don't worry. Everything is fine now :)
/Am/ I your friend?
I’d like to think so.
But  I think we both know the truth.
You don’t see me as “friend”.

You use me like a tool;
And we both know that it is
Because I let you.
So please continue to do so.

You ignore me for months on end,
Seemingly pointedly,
Yet expect me to come running
back each time like some mutt
whenever you feel that I am of use to you.
If you had wanted a pet,
You should’ve asked.
…You’re a terrible “Master”.
A real dog would’ve run away
Long before now.

So what am I to you?
What do you see me as?

I see you as someone dear to me.
I know that I love you
But it’s not the same ‘color’
as loving someone as a lover or a mate.
Nor is it the same ‘color’
of love that I hold for my kin.
But it /is/ the same ‘volume’.

How is it possible to love you this ‘loudly’
But in the wrong ‘color’?
I don’t have the right words for it.
Ironic. That I have no words to describe it
While here I am writing it as best I can in poetry.

You are the first person to ever treat me as an equal.
You are the first person to care.
You are the first person I ever thought of as “friend”.
And because of you,
I now know what having a friend is like.
I don’t want to leave your side.
I want you to see me as “friend” too.
I don’t want to go back to being by myself.
I don’t want to be lonely again.
I don’t want to feel alone.


concerning pocky day; it was a success.

today is Christmas eve, at about 11:20 at night. that's all I wanted to say, so...

Merry Christmas, Joyeux Noel, Happy Holidays, Bonne Annee, Happy New Year's, and every other thing that I don't remember at present moment. =D


circium vulgare
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
i am a tomboy,virgo,girl,pessimist,procrastinator,and not afraid to get dirty.don't like pink or dresses/skirts or anything smart but lazy. i like crude/dark to cook but can't.quiet at violin.can sing too.mature for my to irratate people and argueing.never let my emotions take control.

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yekaterina-velikaya Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks so much for watching!
smilyimp Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013
Thank you for the watch :blushes:
Orec12 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanking you for the fave! Means a lot. :)
Zanzucchi Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Student General Artist
Thanks for the fave on Daddy's Little Girl! :3
zelo75 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
thanks for the fav
Thiaf Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconchibinitalyplz: says, "thanks for the fav, ve."
StarrEknites Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for adding Hetalia meets Nyotalia episode 36 to your favorites!
ART-a-choke Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave! :3
MultiColoredCrow Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:3 Thanks for the :+fav:
TheGweny Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012
Thank you so much for the watch! :heart:
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